also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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