My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
