My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
