I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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