never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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