He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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