so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
