I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
should my penis look like a turkey
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
