could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He better not be in your backpack
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
