my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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