Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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