went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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