ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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