Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
