apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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