I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
two words: eviction party
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
