is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
