when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
