I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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