UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
