if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
