no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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