I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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