i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
i think my cat just said my name.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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