oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
