Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
