I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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