I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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