Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
