please come you make the beer taste better
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I made him laugh his dick is mine
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
