Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
