Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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