Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
