the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
