The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
