I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
