someone get that fucking seahorse.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
