did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I had to cum in my sink.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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