We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
