She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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