In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
