i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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