you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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