I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize