After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
