What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
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