"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
well you can't waste a boner
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
