I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
