Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
