i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
