Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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