OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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