Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize