I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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