I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize