you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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