my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
