I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
