remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I have fence marks all over my body
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
