have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
