i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Randomize
