She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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