:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
