We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
