My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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