If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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