i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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