Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
