Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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