why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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