You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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