my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
