I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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