My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
