i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Quick, to the slutcave!
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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