you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
