My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
